It’s been a long time now since the last time I hear your funny and beautiful voice. This night, I miss our conversations. Those conversations that makes me forget about time, giggling over your jokes, learn about something new, and sometimes got dizzy by the way you used the ‘high’ words. But there is a night that I always remember as the best night of my life, that was the night when the first time my heart beats faster than usual, that was the night when you bring the light by whispering the God’s song right on my ears, that was the night when I believe to myself that I fall in love again.
You made me believe my childhood fairytale again. When you show me your perfection, I believe that I meet and fall in love with The Prince. Not just The Prince who ride the white horse, but The Prince who can show me the beautiful of the world with his genius mind, The Prince who always hold my hand on the way to heaven, The Prince who always understand and fix my fault and make me way better.
Right on this night, I miss you. I remember that we used to be closer than now. We used to talk something private, make jokes and laughing until I can’t feel my stomach, become disappointed when one of us should go. I remember when you got fury after I asked you about your age. That was like you can read my mind that I never fall in love with a younger man before.
I miss you, I miss those conversations. I realize that tonight and some night before I’m not close to you again. I don’t know why. But somehow I know why. You’re not single anymore, and you fall in love. Just like me. But you fall in love with her. Maybe a girl from your fairytale? I don’t know.
Some nights ago, I have dream about you. We were on a beautiful world where no one can’t take you from me. We were on an amazing world where I am your one and only inspirations of every poems you write. We were on a wonderful relationship where you can hug me, kiss me, and touch me all the time. We were on the every precious moment where you hold my hand and say, “I love you.”
Hmm.. I know it was just a dream. The dream where I am your drugs. But this is the real world where I found she is your drugs while you’re my drugs.
A few minutes ago, right after midnight clock was singing. I thought I don’t need to sleep this night, re-reading our chat on whatsapp where you show me how to love God. Your patient and understanding replies to all my questions. You never got angry when I interrupted you. And you’ll explain the one thing you’ve explained when I didn’t get your answer. Patiently and on a genius way.
A few minutes ago, I smile by myself and remember I can’t resist my blushing cheek when I got your text. I remember when my mom teased me when she found me smiling all the day after your text. I remember when I play dumb to get your attention and feel happier when you give your time little longer to me.
Right now, I broke all of my beautiful feeling about you. I remember about her who made you dumb, just like me because of you. I remember she got everything I want from you, your day story, your stars, your jokes, your attention, and your time. I wish I could be more careful in love. I wish I didn’t listen to your beautiful voice. I wish I didn’t listen to your God’s song. I wish I didn’t found your genius mind. I wish I didn’t see you as The Prince. I wish I didn’t find you attractive. I wish I didn’t fall in love with you.
I didn’t say sorry for a long time, but here I will say sorry. I know you’re with her, I know maybe you’ll marry her, but I’ll keep my feeling for you, I’ll keep you as my inspirations, I’ll always write about you. It’s not a promise, because reading myself is not my ability while I like to read people a lot. I can easily move on, or not at all. But before I pronounce “I move on” or probably fall in love with another man, I’ll keep you in my heart. And, I’ll crown you as my king, I won’t care although you never take the crown. And now, here I am, bend over under the darkness of my love for you and the cold of missing you.
Inspired by : The Anonymous Writer – I won’t Tell I Love You