Maybe it’s bad to share thoughts in internet about the personal life. But I just want to write and post it. I always disagree about a concept of husband and wife. Because the concept full of rules and controlling each other. I give you some examples, when a wife doesn’t want to listen to her husband, her husband will said, “I’m your husband, you should listen to me.” or at least the husband will have that thought on his mind. And when a husband doesn’t want to share his daily story, his wife will say, “I’m your wife you can tell every story to me.”
Those are some simple examples of husband and wife’s life. And when the ministry said “I pronounce you husband and wife,” then bam! You got the packet. Partner and the rules, something you must do as their partner (husband/wife) and something you must not do. That status is so huge. Being a ‘wife’ you should serve your man/husband. Cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, beside you should do your professional work. And when you can’t do that in a good way, people will judge, your ‘husband’ will judge. That’s same when you become a ‘husband.’ You should do hard work, because you become the one who ‘should take care’ of your wife. And when your wife hurt or your family is not good financially, people will judge, so your wife.
Many rules and pressures. But then I thought about the reality, if a couple doesn’t care about what people thought, they’ll be okay. Like when a wife can’t cook, then their neighbor will judge her. Just don’t care. And when a husband has income less than his wife, people will judge. Just don’t care. But it’s not as simple as that “Just don’t care” if a husband thought “a wife should cook for them,” and that will be hard if a wife thought “A husband should financially better than her.”
That problem makes me thought about a concept of Friends. ‘Must’ and ‘Must not’ are not exist in friendship. I talk about regular friendship when you can easily do whatever you want without asking any permission to your friend, but you have a compromise and respect to your friend too, I don’t talk about a gangster concept. I think that a marriage is based on friendship concept, that would be great. Just thought that your wife/husband is your friend, your bestfriend or your roommate. And this concept will work if each of you have the same thought, as friend.
It starts when you guys love each other, and want to get married. Think that your wife/husband (soon to be) is your beloved friend who will live with you. He/she is your friend, so don’t expect that they will serve you, like cook for you, do the laundry for you, clean the house for you. When you think he/she is your friend, you won’t force them to do that with the husband/wife’s law. You’ll do your own laundry, cook by yourself, and maybe you guys can make a schedule to clean the apartment like what roommate do. They are not your maid. He/she is your friend, so don’t press her/him to give you any money for you. Maybe he/she will give you money for pay the half of the apartment rent, or half of your snacks. But don’t expect they will give you money for your private needs. They’re not your parents. Be independent, use your own money to fulfill your private needs.
Friends respect each other. Like when your ‘friend’ like rock music better than pop, you should respect her/him. Don’t force him to like popular music, just because that’s your favorite. And when it comes to something complicated like decision about having kids. You guys should really think about it. Like in a case when your wife doesn’t want to has kids because she thought it will be handful and doesn’t have time because she want to be a social worker. But you as husband want to have kids. Maybe you can start to make schedule. Compromising. Give your wife chance to be what she wants, and then you can plan to have baby after that. When the baby comes, you can arrange some schedule to take care of the baby too. So your wife won’t feel that she should dump her dreams because she should serve your dream with the baby.
Don’t stick to the official or society rules about marriage. They are not the one who do the marriage. You and your partner/friend are the one who do the marriage. So don’t think like they do. Don’t easily blame your husband/wife because they didn’t do same like the society do. This is your own family.
Friends are not always together. There are times when they should be alone. Do their things as individual, not as couple. So don’t be a puppy who always attach to them or don’t be spy who keep your eyes to every move they do. Because being alone is one of human needs too.
Friends love each other. I talk about true friends not fake friends. So when one of you need help, you can help her/him without any pressure. Like when one of you got sick, you can take care of her/him. Because when he/she is not getting well soon, your schedule of cleaning house, or take care of baby will messed up. Or just simply you don’t like your friend got sick.
Giving your friends some gift is not a bad thing. Like when your birthday coming, it’s usual thing to get some gifts from your friends. You can do that too to your marriage. Maybe give some surprise for your ‘friend,’ buy her/him something, cook for them, take them to some place good. Because that what friends do sometimes in friendship.
Those sounds really great for making your partner as friend. No pressure for wife/husband’s law. Like a good healthy friendship. When you delete a mainstream concept of wife/husband and change it with friendship concept, I believe that marriage life will be better. Change your mindset and don’t be selfish. Eh anyway, the one who write this is unmarried. Haha. You can easily don’t believe this post or give it chance to start your beautiful journey with your ‘friend.’ You can tell me if it works on you. I would love to listen to it. 🙂