So, it is so clear from the title. Yeah I will write a few things about breaking up and how to deal with it. As you all know, breaking up is not an easy thing. One important person left your life, one thing is missing, your schedule messed up because that person who used to fill that position has gone. And now you are confused what you should do about that missing part. That is just one aspect from bunch other craps you have to deal with breaking up. The memories, the love, and all the bitter sweet stuff.
1. STEP 1 : tips for breaking up
So step 1, before breaking up I would like to give you a few tips for breaking up. Hahahaha *evil laugh.* No, seriously, when you think your relationship doesn’t work anymore, don’t waste your time. Go break up, don’t worry it doesn’t against the law. Yes okay, you could try to work things up, fix it and stuff. But sometimes it just couldn’t work anymore. Don’t hold up, don’t try to find any excuses, because when you feel you should end it but you hold things up, sometimes it gets worse. And the more you hold it, the more you will get hurt when you separate. I know it is more comfortable to stay with the person you love for long time. Especially when you guys are already so close to each other. Thinking about separating, seeing your partner move on, then start everything from the start, the anxiety of telling secrets for the first time, and all the stuff you have already known, it seems hard. Okay from this part I made you guys change your mind and not breaking up at all. I am bad at this, please go break up! *sad laugh* But read this again :
“But sometimes it just couldn’t work anymore. Don’t hold up, don’t try to find any excuses, because when you feel you should end it but you hold things up, sometimes it gets worse. And the more you hold it, the more you will get hurt when you separate.”
Those are true by the way. Just end it. Say good bye, bye bye, sent the alimony, throw all your ex’s clothes, or sell it. At least you would make some money for breaking up. It happened, seriously! Look for the news if you don’t believe me. Okay we will move to step 2.
2. STEP 2 : “IT IS NOT OKAY!” and be sad
Step 2 starts after you said, “Good bye, have a good life,” “ Good bye, wish you all the best,” or “Fuck off!” You can choose the goodbye sentence by yourself. Do it with your style. So after this goodbye, we usually start to become sad. We lost one important person in our life. I will tell you, go cry! Be sad! Be all messy, be all human, be all you. Don’t hold your sadness. Lock your room and cry until your eyes swollen. Cry it all out, set it all free. On this step you SHOULD AND MUST do whatever you want. You MUST allow yourself for being sad. Just don’t do drugs, or alcohol, or cigarette, or poison, and stay away from knife, or dagger, or gun, or vandalism, or any criminal things.
On this step if you wanted to listen to some songs from your relationship. Listen to it, and go remember every little detail from your relationship. If you wanna watch some movies which remind you of your partner, go watch it. If you wanna go through of your gallery and see all of your pictures about your partner, do it. The important thing on this step is you should make yourself feels tired of your sadness. And when you feel enough of it, believe me you will go through the next step easier. But you should note it, doing everything that hurt yourself physically (like cut your vein or drink alcohol, do some drugs, or criminal things) will not help you at all. You will get more trouble from that, like go to jail nor hospital, and say if you made it to suicide. It doesn’t mean you are free from the pain, you just pass it to other people.
On this step, I would say that you will hate the phrase “It is gonna be okay.” This step is where we feel the worst, and it is not okay and we still can’t see if everything is gonna be okay. So be you and listen to your superego’s voice. Take sometimes to listen to yourself.
3. STEP 3 : Cleansing
Step three happened where you feel physically tired of your sadness. After three days locking yourself in your messy room, crying all day and night, and singing your relationship’s song like a crazy, now it is the time to shower. Yes shower! Clean yourself from all the breaking-up-tiredness. Make yourself feels fresh. And start everything bit by bit. After your body feel fresh and tired from the sad step. You could try to take a nice nap and make your energy back. Because when your body feels tired in a clean condition, you might get a better sleep.
Waking up from the nice nap, now we are ready to continue the step three. Now it is the time to put some food near you and deal with your past. Delete all the memories! On this step, you should face that your relationship is really end. And sometimes you could easily feel turn back to step 2. Because you will see the memories again and get sad. But remember, you have been through this whole amazing thing alone. You can get back to the sad phase or move on and get your happier life.
Remember what made you end your relationship. And keeping all the memories will easily make you back to that road again. So it would be better to clean it all. Delete all the pictures that made you remember your ex-partner, change your playlist, delete all the funny videos they gave to you, throw their clothes, or sell it, the important thing is to get rid of everything that made you remember your partner. So you won’t easily daydreaming everytime you saw their stuff. Except if they gave you a money check, if you don’t want it and wanna get rid everything about them, you can kindly give it to me. I will say “thank you” from my heart.
4. STEP 4 : fill “the missing time”
After all the cleansing, we should be ready for the step 4. Step 4 would be filling “the missing time” that used to be filled by your partner. And this hole would make you daydreaming about your ex if you don’t fill it with something else. Do something you like, if you like writing, then go write something. Write everything, you could write about how you feel that time. If you like to exercise, then go exercise, go to gym, go yoga, or jogging. If you like reading, go buy some new exciting books or go to library and find good books. Fill the hole, don’t let the hole empty. If they used to take three hours per day, then fill it for three hours with the new things. If they used to take 30 seconds per day, fill that 30 seconds. Just don’t let it empty. Distract yourself. It would be hard to focus, but you would through it by the time. Just one thing at a time. Bit by bit.
When you get used to your new schedule, you would get through your day easier. I know memories would still stuck on your mind. But at least now you know that it is time to believe that “everything is gonna be alright.” Because you have gone through all those step, without your ex-partner, and you survive. This is a great thing. You should appreciate and give some credit to yourself.
After all those 4 steps, the next step would be your own choice. Just one tip from me, love yourself before you love your soon to be partner. Losing your partner is not the end of the world, it is part of life, pull yourself together. So from now, love yourself first before you love other people. Learn to be alone, because no one will stay forever.