Going Home

Today is so rough. I have to do a lot of things, roaming around the city just to realize that this world is too big, too scary to be alone. Yeah sometimes it’s fun to walk around without pressure of someone else next to me. Because I guess it’s harder to compromise than to be alone.

Anyway it’s 6 pm already. It’s time to go home. Hmm it’s dark and the sunset today is not that great. Man I need to feel okay with my self. And Mr. Sun already said no.

I always walk on the same street, same route, with the same thought. Yeah I know I am a boring person. I always think, “What if I just run now? Not walking! But nah, I am tired already.”

And yes I had to cross the street where some jerk harassed me. I am not scared, I bring my knife. Well, I am not scared but my left hand always move and protect my body whenever there is man walking to my side.

“I am just fixing my mask. I am not traumatized,” that’s what I always think.

*****

Hmm 5 minutes walking and I will arrive at the traffic light. Yes this route again. There is a good man who always helped me cross the street.

He is a pedicab driver. Old man, kinda reminded me of my grandpa.

Well he is not there today. And I have to cross the road myself. I can do that of course. Been crossing this street for months. I will just wait for the red sign.

“Watch out bitch!” shout a driver.

Gosh my heart almost stop! That was not my fault, that was red sign already. It means that was my time to cross the street.

I know it was not my fault, but still my heart beating so fast. Haha. Yeah I dont like it when people shout at me.

*****

Well I have to walk more. And I will cross the rail road for a minute. I love to cross rail road and run a little on it.

“Oh crap, the train will cross!” I said.

That time I was thinking, should I wait or just run before the train cross? I stopped for a bit.

This is a bad day so I should have a little fun! My heart beats faster and as soon as I heard the train horn. I run!

“NOOOO!” people behind me screamed.

I run faster than before. I finally choose to run to cross the rail road before the train could hit me.

“I MADE IT!” I shout back.

I saw the train from the other side. I got it! People are still muttering the words I could not hear. They looked angry to see what I did. They even gather around.

People from the other side looked so shocked. Even there is a kid looking at me, crying.

And I am pretty sure some of them look mad. But I made it. So before people shout at me I have to run right?

And I run again. God it feels good and free. And I think I am better because unlike before, my heart doesnt beat so fast. I feel calm.

I keep looking behind my back, I am still afraid that people will chase me away because I made a scene. But I keep laughing behind my mask, because this is the first time I feel good about myself. I chose to do something I always say no before. Yes, run!

And not too long after that I am home. Hmm.. it’s always like this. People keep the house open. My dad and siblings rarely close the door.

So I just walk to my room and lay down. Man I am so tired. Let me rest a lil bit.

*****

It’s so good to sleep after work. And it sucks when something bother my peaceful time. “What the f is that?”

I heard a car stopped in front of our house. It’s ambulance.

“Oh my God what happened. Is it my dad? Is it my siblings? Oh my God.”

I run again. And Thank God I see my dad, and my siblings also run to the door. They seems confuse.

“Mom?”

I see my mom getting out from ambulance. She is standing next to a body bag.

She smile at me. Full of grace. I have never seen her so happy like this. But she passed away three months ago.

“What am I seeing? Whose body is in that bag?”

“NOOOO! NOOO WAY!” I heard my sister screaming.

My dad is standing next to that opened body bag and begin to cry. I just saw him cry twice, when my mom died and now. My brother holding his head and crying.

Then it feels like something hit my gut. So hard. Is it right? Oh my God. Is it true what I am thinking? Who is that in the body bag. I slowly walk towards that body bag.

“Oh my God!” I saw my self there. Half of my arms gone. My legs are not attached to my body nomore.

“What happened?” I said.

“You ran,” said my mom next to me.

Then I remember, I ran too late. The train hit my body. People were not mad at me. People screamed because the train hit me.

People didnt gather around to chase me. They did it to save my body. That kid, maybe she was not shocked. She saw me after I left my body.

“It’s okay. I am with you now,” said my mom.

-The End-